We humans tend towards extremes. And, generally speaking, life is well-lived with things in balance. So it is with tip #12. When trying to shake the sad state, I have found it best to avoid the extremes of isolation and over-activity.
Either of these can push me towards feelings of depression and either can certainly prolong those feelings. Seems to me, that we can use "over-activity" as sort of anesthesia. Keeping ourselves "too busy" means we don't have time to deal with difficult issues...or to feel pain. Althought that might seem like a good thing, it's not. Pain is not always bad. It's an indicator that there is a problem that needs our attention. If we go without feeling pain for too long, we never address the problem. And so things get worse. Just as physical pain can be helpful (ever touch a hot stove?), so can emotional pain. Always avoiding the pain can lead to bigger problems. Too much busy-ness is just not good. AT ALL.
Just as too much activity/time with others is an extreme that we don't want to live in all the time, the same is true for isolation. Now, don't hear what I'm not saying. I strongly support time alone, time away from the crowds and routine demands. Time to refresh and replenish. And repair. But we were made to need other people- and for them to need us - and when we find ourselves continuously pulling away from friends and family and responsiblities....and pulling inside ourselves, we need a red light to go on in our hearts. Signalling trouble.
Happiness comes with a balance of time alone, time with others, time giving, time receiving. Check out your "extreme-o-meter" and see if you are registering too far in one direction or the other.
Be happy - tips 10 & 11
Tip # 10 - Monitor music and media
We already mentioned this briefly in another tip post but it bears being singled out as its own post. Check out your time on social media, watching movies/TV and what you are mindlessly listening to. Major mood influencer. Beware of thinking you are spending less time than you actually are. Cut out all social media and screen time for a solid week and see if you wind up with spare time on your hands.
Tip # 11 - Nature
Scripture says in Psalm 19 - "The Heavens declare the glory of God". Get out there and look at it! Use your senses to take in the wonder and glory of God - listen to a nightingale's song; look at a breathtaking sunset (or better yet- sunRISE!); taste the sweetness of fresh strawberries straight from Washington Farms; smell honeysuckle on a walk through the woods; rub the wool on a lamb's back. Experience this amazing world that God created with generous beauty. Soak in the message His creation sends - we serve a mighty God.
And He is bigger than you and me....and our sadness. Soak that truth up all the way into your bones!
Be happy tips 8 & 9
Tip #8 is a given but it's really interesting how much we think about doing this but never get around to it. Pray. Talk to God about our lack of joy. The Psalms show us that David poured out his heart to God, revealing deep emotions that almost seem irreverent. But he wasn't being irreverent - he was being transparent with a honesty that God alone can deal with. Apparently, King David knew that he needed to get the negative emotions out before they could be replaced with positive ones.
So, talk to God. Then listen to what He has to say.
Tip # 8 -- Pray.
Tip # 9 involves talking, too. Talking to yourself. I know that sounds crazy but hear me out.
Psalm 42:5, 6 records the conversation David has with his soul...and the answer he gives himself.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
I find it very beneficial to monitor my self-talk --- instead of letting my soul speak lies and negative thoughts, I tell myself to instead listen to the truth. It's amazing how much of our thought life is not based on the truth. We fall prey to vain imaginations ("I'll bet so&so said/did/thought such&such about me" or "What if _________ happens? What will I do then??") and false assumptions ("He will never change" or "I can't do this anymore") and outright lies ("I am hopeless" or the equally destructive opposite "I am right" and "Nobody understands what I'm going through") Lies that steal our peace and joy. Instead of Truth. And that Truth gets me back to tip #7 -- God's Word.
When the blues threaten to overtake you, try having a self-conversation like David did. Ask yourself "why are you so sad? why are you so stressed?" Then, give yourself the answer of TRUTH before the voice of despair can respond - "My hope is in God. He is my joy and my salvation. I shall praise Him." "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" "God's love is from everlasting to everlasting. He will never leave me or forsake me". " ALL His ways are loving and faithful". His plans for me are good, plans to prosper me, to give me a future and a hope". "My heart is deceitful so I cannot trust it - instead I will trust in the Lord".
Tip #9 - Speak TRUTH to yourself.
How to be happy - tip #7
Don't worry that this is tip #7 but post #6 -- a couple were combined early on :)
Let's recap briefly:
1. Check out possible physical problems (fatigue, hormones, illness)
2. Acknowledge God's command to be joyful
3. Don't blame others - accept responsibility for your own joy
4. Confess sin
5. Address systems errors (ways to do things better/more successfully)
6. Accept the unchangeables.
7. God's Word. Get in it.
I could just leave it at that and it would be sufficient. But I am afraid this tip would be disregarded, treated as trite, as "the Sunday School answer." So I won't leave it at that. I'll pontificate.
First, why. Then how.
Why. God's Word is not good advice. It is actually life. It is living and breathing. Yeah, I know that's difficult to understand. But we don't have to understand why it works, just that it does. We are transformed by His Word. I Thessalonians 2:13 says "...when you received the Word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is - the Word of God- which performs its work in those who believe." It has the power to change you and me. But, just like that eye cream that obliterates wrinkles, you have to apply it for it to work. Does no good sitting on the shelf.
God's Word not only transforms us, it comforts us and directs us. The Psalms are a treasure trove of encouragement to me when I am hurting. Knowing that spiritual giants such as David had to do battle with the blues keeps me from self-condemnation. I am eternally grateful that God included this man's failures and his transparency in Scripture. Otherwise, I'd feel pretty much an isolated failure.
Similarly, Scripture has principles to guide our decisions, our behavior, our attitudes. Without the compass of His Word, we are left not knowing what to do. And that in itself is depressing.
How. How to get God's Word in you, not how it works. Cuz I don't know how - just know that it does.
Look at it. Everywhere you go. Have Scripture prints on your walls. Verse a day calendars in your bathroom and kitchen. Bible passages on cards to take with you. Everywhere. We have even printed out verses on 3/5 cards and stuck them on the doorframes in our house. (See Deuteronomy 6:4-9. I take it literally)
Listen to it. Good music is important. We must not underestimate the powerful influence of songs on our minds and hearts. For instance, if you are over 30, finish this jingle "Plop plop fizz fizz, Oh..._______________" After this many years, I'll bet you still know the words to that commercial. In the same way, words of songs stick in our brains and affect how we think, what we believe. And feeling follows thinking. If we feed our souls garbage, we are going to wind up feeling like garbage.
Study it. Looking at Scripture, listening to songs based on Scripture - fabulous. But they won't replace a commitment to personal time spent in meditating on His Word. I can get along for a while on a spoon of peanut butter for breakfast and celery sticks with pimento cheese for lunch but after a while, I need some real sustenance. Or my health will suffer. Same with spiritual health. We need to feast on His Word in order to nourish our soul.
If I can't shake the blues, many times it is remedied by getting back on track with consistent time in His Word. To borrow an old line from Chick-fil-A: Taste it. You'll love it. For good.
How to be happy - part 5
Anybody remember "The Serenity Prayer"? God, grant me the grace to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!! That is a whole pile of truth right there.
How to be happy tip #6 is
Don't try to change the unchangeables. Granted, with God, there are few things that fall into this category. He is in the business of the impossible. And He delights to bring beauty out of ashes. But sometimes what He wants to change is our perspective, not the situation.
For instance, our past. If what's making us depressed is our history of past failures, we need to adjust. Our perspective - not our past. It's an unchangeable. But the way we view it isn't. Instead of wasting energy and emotions regretting what cannot be changed, focus on the attitude about it. Let God redeem it, use it for His glory, free you from its bondange.
Or other people. We spend untold amounts of valuable emotional resources in angst over people that we think should change. Maybe they really do need to change, but our stress over them will not accomplish that for them! Instead of being depressed over relationships that disappoint or wound us, resolve to let God change them.As Ruth Graham once said, "It's my job to love Billy. It's God's job to make him good". We need to change our role in the lives of those folks that stress us out. (Now don't hear what I am not saying -- I am NOT suggesting that you dump everyone that causes pain in your life!!! No, I am saying that we focus on changing our response to those folks, not on "fixing" them.)
Other unchangeables are things like world peace, government spending, and the war on terror. Although I definitely do strongly advocate being involved in worthy causes, becoming an informed and active voter, and voicing your opinion respectfully, we must be take caution that we don't stew and fret over large scale events. I can get pretty worked up over things like folks that work for me who overspend my money (just sayin') so it helps me to remember who is ultimately in charge. And it's not a certain political party. Isaiah tells us in chapters 45 and 46 truth like this "I am the Lord and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none besides me. I am the Lord and there is no other." And" For I am God and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times, things not yet done, saying 'My counsel shall stand and I will accomplish all my purpose' calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed and I will do it".
Job learned this lesson very well and responded to the Lord "I know that you can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted".
So, happiness tactic # 6 - Don't stress over unchangeables. God is in control. And all His ways are loving and faithful. His Word is true-er than our circumstances!