Be happy - compilation

My friend Lisa suggested a list of all the tips.  I think she had a good idea so I did just that.  I feel pretty inadequate, laying these thoughts to you, in hopes they can be of some help or encouragement.  But I know from my own experience and  many of my friends that fighting depression and discouragement is indeed a real battle.  I wish I could believe it doesn't have to be fought in the lives of Christians but that is simply not reality.  We Christ-followers are indeed waging a costly war against this malady.  And, it brings me to tears as I recall some who never have found victory.  I believe we can, I know we can.  If you find yourself in such darkness that you cannot even find the faith to believe, then I will believe for you.  That's not unbiblical - see Luke 5:20.  Let me know how you're doing.  If you've been able to encourage someone else with a tip or two from here.  Or if you've been encouraged yourself. 

1. Check out possible physical problems (fatigue, hormones, illness)

2. Acknowledge God's command to be joyful

3. Don't blame others - accept responsibility for your own joy

4. Confess sin

5. Address systems errors (ways to do things better/more successfully)

6. Accept the unchangeables.

7. THE WORD - get in it.

8. Pray. And listen.

9. Talk to yourself - but be sure and preach the Truth!

10. Monitor music and media

11. Immerse yourself in God's creation

12. Don't go to the extreme of over-activity or of isolation.

13. Serve others.

14. Give Satan his due, but no more.  Focus on Christ.

15. Know you are loved.

16. Do something.

17. Be thankful.

18. Don't trust your feelings - trust the Truth.

19. It's not all about you - consider the effect you have on others.

20. Forgiveness

21. Use medicine sparingly, after you have tried the other strategies.

22.

Wait on the Lord.

Be happy - final tip

Wow.  22 posts about our journey for joy.  When I began this series, I thought I would list a few things and take maybe a couple of posts to do so.  As I began writing, I had more and more to say.  And many of you were interested enough (and encouraging!) so I kept going.  I think I'm done.  I am sure I haven't covered all there is to say on the topic but I think I've exhausted my expertise.  One final word.

What to do when the darkness will not lift.  When you've tried all these things I've suggested, to the best of your ability.  What then?

Tip # 22 - Wait on the Lord.

The great preacher Charles Spurgeon battled seasons of depression.  He was very transparent about it and this quote is most encouraging-

I often feel very grateful to God that I have undergone fearful depression.  I know the burdens of despair and the horrible brink of that gulf of darkness into which my feet have almost gone. But hundreds of time I have been able to give a helpful grip to brethren and sisters who have come into that same condition, which grip I could never have given if I had not known their despondency.  So I believe that the darkest and most dreadful experience of a child of God will help him to be a fisher of men if he will but follow Christ.


Jesus promises never to leave us nor forsake us - and that includes dark times.  Especially the dark times.  When you feel you are immersed in hopelessness and miserably alone, trust in His Word, which is true-er than your feelings or your circumstances. His plan is to redeem all things for good, even your seasons of despondency.  Cling to Him and just hold on through the storm.  When the sun finally breaks through, you will see that His everlasting arms have been securing you all the time. It was HE who was holding onto you.

Jesus's words to Simon Peter are applicable here.  Luke 22:31,32 "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat.  But I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail.  And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."

Just as He prayed for Simon Peter, Scripture assures us that He is praying for us as well.  Take comfort in that assurance.  Take confidence in the fact that His prayers will most certainly be answered.  And your faith will not fail.  And when you are able to turn to see the light again, so strengthen your sisters.  They need you.

Be happy - tip #21

When discussing strategies to combat depression, the question of medication comes up.  Is it helpful?  Necessary?  A good idea?  A bad idea?  Overused?  Underutilized?
We seem to polarize the issue - saying we should never use medication or automatically relying only on a prescription without considering any other issues.

I don't know the answers. I am not a professional counselor, a psychologist, nor a physician.  But I do know the Wonderful Counselor, the Soul-ologist, the Great Physician.  And here are some principles that I can garner from His Word that might address this question.

1.  Some Christians I know have been judged harshly for the feelings of darkness they experience and even more harshly for their choice to get some of that darkness to lift by using medication.  That judging is not helpful at all so if you have condemned someone for that, please stop. People who experience seasons of darkness need your compassion and your prayers. Not your condemnation.

2.  I have not personally tried medication for this so I don't know if it helps or not.  However, I have spoken with enough other women to know that medication - under the guidance of a wise physician who understands physiological changes and the ensuing challenges - can be an effective tool.

3.  While medicine might be one approach to try, I'd like to suggest that it not be the only approach nor the primary one.  The Enemy of our souls would absolutely love to distract each of us from dealing victoriously with anything that hinders our relationship with Christ. So if he can cause us to turn only to the medical answer instead of seeking a spiritual one, you can sure bet that's the tactic he will try.

4.  We are a triune being - body, soul, and spirit.  Whatever is affecting one aspect of us is affecting all of us.  If something is wrong on a physical level, it very well may show up in us emotionally and spiritually.  And vice versa.  See post #1 on this topic - check out the physical aspect.  Sleep is a key component. Not to be redundant but check out tip #1.

5.  It's not simplistic to acknowledge that since God says to pray about everything , we can expect everything to be affected by prayer.  Including our quest for joy.  So let's turn to prayer with the fervor and faith that we might instead apply exclusively to prescriptions.

6.  It seems to me that a wise approach to using medicine might be for it to be used sparingly, when one is unable to employ other strategies, and then to be used  for a season until one is able to try to fight the darkness. In other words, it could be used short term to get to the point where you can address the other issues.

Tip #21 - When considering the use of medication to combat depression, try these other strategies first.  Then, seek the Lord to see what He ordains that you do. 

Be happy - tip #20

In Matthew 18, Jesus tells the parable about the servant who owed a ginormous debt to the king.  (Side note - I always wondered what in the world that man did to run up such large debt!!  He was still a servant!!!  ANYHOW....)You're probably familiar with it.  Remember how the story goes?  He asked the king for mercy and the king graciously forgave his debt but then the servant turned right around and refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him a piddling amount.  The king was not happy.  Familiar story.  But perhaps it bears pointing out a couple of verses that tie this to our topic of being happy. 



Verses  34, 35 - And in anger his master delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all his debt.  So also my Heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Tip # 20 - Forgiveness.

Unforgiveness locks us in our own cell of isolation.  But its not solitary confinement  - our suite mates are unwelcome tormentors such as depression, anger, jealousy, feelings of rejcction and insecurity, etc.  When we fail to forgive others for the debt they owe us (debts of acceptance or love or loyalty or faithfulness or whatever), the Bible is clear that we are subjecting ourselves to Satan's invasion.  (Ephesians 4:26,26)  No, he can't own us if we belong to Christ but he can insert his unwelcome presence  and wreak all sorts of havoc in our lives.

So, what are we to do if we want to be happy instead of depressed?  First, we must ask the Lord if we are harboring any bitterness or unforgiveness towards anyone.  Then listen to what He says.

Next, before I can actually forgive, I find it helpful to do a bit of tattling.  Yep, I tattle on my offender...to the only One who can do something about it...I pour out my heart to the Lord instead of letting the feelings remain inside and putrify. And instead of telling my friends how hurt I am.  I tell Him not only what the offense was but mostly how it makes me feel and how I hurt...as well as any honest feelings of what I wish He would do to the offender!  He can take it.  As I pray, I usually calm down and gain perspective a bit.  I ask Him to grant me grace so that I can obey Him, acknowledging His command that I forgive.  I remind myself that forgiveness is so that I can be free - not to let the offender "off".  Forgiveness does NOT MEAN that what they did to me is "OK" - instead it means that I am indeed owed a debt from that person but that I will not make them pay it.   I will trust God to handle the payment. 

At this stage, I usually don't "feel" forgiveness.  But by His grace, I choose to release the person from what they owe me.  And I remind myself of that decision day by day...hour by hour...until eventually feelings of mercy and grace replace indignation.  Maybe this is not the application Jesus intended when He spoke of forgiving someone 70x7, but that's what I do when I need to forgive someone.  I remind myself that I have made that choice in my heart/mind over and over and over until a new thought pattern is established.  So that when I think of that person, my initial response is not one of anger or retribution but rather a reminder of forgiveness...and how much The King has forgiven me.

Probably the main thing that helps me practice this decision of forgiveness is to pray for the offender.  I have already prayed about them so now I need to pray for them.  And not "God, please give them what they deserve!!"  Not based on how I am feeling about them at the moment but rather based on obedience to Christ's command to pray for our enemies, I pray for them the same things that I pray for those I love.  That they would know the love of Christ.  That they would be forgiven for they don't know what they are doing.  That they would walk in a manner worthy of their calling.  That they would experience the peace that passes all understanding.  That God would grant them favor and blessing.   Yes, sometimes I almost choke on the words.  At least at first.  But remember that forgiveness is about what God wants to do in ME, not necessarily the other person.  So I plod on.  Asking for His grace for ME, so that I can walk in obedience.

This really works.  It ushers in a work of grace that otherwise is just not possible.  The offender may not become my BFF but I will be free from bondage instead of being tied to them through unforgivness.  Free from anger and depression...free to love, and forgive again.

The last step is really icing on the cupcake.  I guess you could forgive without doing this but it's actually the best part.  It's the part that gets the debt paid.  You know, the debt that the offender owes you.  Even though we have released them from payment, the debt is not erased.  It still needs to be paid.    So what's the solution?  What's the payment plan?  You pay it yourself. 

You pay it yourself....by investing in the offender.  Outrageous, right?  Pretty much scandalous, actually.  But God's economy is contrary to our own.  And the way to get the debt that we are owed erased is to pay it ourselves, into the life of the offender.  I know it sounds ridiculous.  But it's true. The payment plan can be gradual and creative. God will show you.  Sometimes He has had me write the offending party a note of encouragment.  Or bake a cake.  Or take flowers.  Other times, He has me NOT do things - like NOT telling my story.  Not telling something derogatory about that person --even when it's true.  Not putting them in a bad light in someone else's eyes.  Each act - or NONact - is an installment on their debt to me.  And, one day, to my surprise, when I encounter that person in the grocery store or their name comes up in conversation, I no longer feel that angst in my gut.  The debt is paid.  Hallelujah!

Be happy - tip #19

This tip is difficult to embrace when you are hurting.  But it is necessary because it's the truth. 

Tip # 19 - It's not all about you.

Feelings of despair or depression can so cloud our thinking that we can hardly see beyond our own pain.  But if we are to get out of the pit, we must do just that.  When our own heart is in ICU, we must realize that manifestations of our own hurt can do great damage to others.  I am not suggesting that we are to fake joy or go on a guilt trip so as to avoid inflicting pain on those we love but I do want us to face this reality so that we will be motivated to move out of despair and into joy.  Spouses and children and beloved others are wounded when we remain in the pit.  They not only feel helpless to fix things but also usually feel responsible for our pain.  These reactions to our pain can often catapult them into a pit of their own. 

So tip #19 is to get our eyes off ourselves and acknowledge the impact we have on others.  Use that as impetus to take the business of joy seriously.  A joyful Mom (or sister or daughter or wife or friend) is a wonderfully powerful influence on others.  Refer to all previous "be happy tips" so as to respond to this one!