The other day as I was praying about a situation that has been on my prayer list for a loooong time, I sensed something in my spirit. Hard to explain but it was kinda like a distance. Almost a bit of standoffishness. I was perplexed but not sure what I was sensing so I moved on.
Later in the day, I was reading a sermon by John Piper and one of his subpoints pierced my heart. This was it. This was what the Holy Spirit was revealing to me earlier. I have not settled it completely yet - so far I’ve been unable to package it neatly and set on the shelf of successes. But I want to share with you in case you need to wrestle with it as well.
Piper’s message was from the book of James. He was encouraging us to stand firm in trials and to remain faithful in temptations. The premise was that God’s tests are designed to lead us into supreme happiness, not to make us stumble or struggle. Here is where God led me after reading what Piper had to say…..
James 1:12
Blessed [deeply and lastingly happy] is the man who remains steadfast under trial [testing], for when he has stood the test [been proven like gold through fire] he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
We learn from this passage that God uses tests/trials/afflictions is to make us deeply and supremely happy. These hardships provide the means for God proves us fit to receive the crown of life. Piper says “If we really believe this is how God is fitting us for eternal life — for eternal joy — would we not say, “I am blessed”? These are reasons for me to be deeply and lastingly happy.”
Tracking with him pretty well up to this point. Here is where God’s word pierced my heart. Piper poses the key question for us to ask about trials - what is being tested?
Not our faith or trust in God. Not our ability to endure. Not our theology. Nope.
It’s our love. Our love for God.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (1:12)
Those of us who love God will get the crown of life. That love is tested and proven through trials. If we ultimately pass the test, we get the crown. Pass/fail is determined by this: going through the fire of testing and loving God more on the other side. What’s being tested and refined and proven is love. Love for God. Valuing God. Enjoying God. Treasuring God. Being satisfied in God.
The Spirt probed my heart. This thing I keep praying about - am I going to grow deeper in my love for God even if He doesn’t give me what I am asking Him for? Do I love Him more than His gracious answers to my prayers?
Don’t hear what I am not saying - we are not wrong to ask Him for the desires of our heart. In fact, He invites us to do exactly that! We are not wrong to persevere prayer, asking Him for the same thing while waiting for His answer. He urges us to do that very thing!
But the question God seems to be asking me is am I going to love Him for HIMSELF? Regardless of whether His answer is yes or no, will my love for Him prove strong?
The book of James tells us that the suffering produced by trials (including the disappointment of God’s “no” answers) are designed by God to test and refine and prove the reality of our love for Him. Trials reveal the truth of what’s in our hearts. And if there is “gunk” in there, trials are the fire of opportunity for God to burn it away.
But it’s not automatic.
God gives us a choice of how to respond to trials. His Spirit reveals what’s in our heart and invites us to repent from the sin of loving something more than God. He waits patiently for us to ask Him to supply what we need, to transform our hearts to more fully love the only One who is worthy, the only One who can satisfy what we long for.
Waiting for His answers gives us to opportunity to see what is in our hearts and to press in to Him in our need. First step towards passing the test.
Next is to ask Him to help us see WHO He is. To see His beauty and His worth.
Then, to trust. To lean into Him in faith that whatever He does for us is GOOD. That we don’t know what is best for us. And, to quote Henry Blackaby, to pray this way - “God, here are my requests. The desires of my heart. But if you have something better in mind, cancel my request. I trust You.”
So, I’ll keep praying. I’ll keep looking to the Only One who can supply what I long for. And I’ll ask Him to help me keep a check on my heart. I want to pass the test with fully proven love for Him!