A while back, my husband and I had a friend over for dinner.
And it’s been on my mind ever since then.
It was a pleasant enough evening - nothing great but not a disaster, either, I suppose. But after our guest left, my husband turned to me and asked me if I noticed. I knew where he was going with that but I figured I’d let him voice it.
Not once during the whole evening did our friend ever express thanks. Not for having him over. Not for the dinner I prepared and served (which I am fairly sure he liked, based on the second and third helpings he enjoyed :) ). Not even for the significant favor my husband had just completed for him, which culminated in our meeting that night.
We didn’t do those things to be appreciated (although we would have appreciated some gratitude, I’ll admit!). But the glaring omission on this man’s part caused us both to ponder the importance of gratitude. And thus, this post….
Is being grateful just a social construct, a way to make ourselves appealing to others? Because let’s be honest, it is certainly more enjoyable to be friends with a grateful person than an ungrateful one! Additionally, I assert that every successful person I know is also one known to express thanks. And never writing a note of thanks or even letting those words cross your lips makes you out to be somewhat of a boor, much like our dinner guest that evening.
If that’s the totality of the issue, then perhaps it shouldn’t have filled my thoughts these recent weeks. But that is not all that ingratitude means. Instead, it is much more serious. In the first book of the Epistle to the Romans, the apostle Paul describes unbelief and its consequences in sobering terms. He says that unbelief results in becoming fools, giving glory to idols instead of God, controlled by lusts and dishonor, filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, immorality, and worthy of death. Quite sobering indeed. But the part that makes me catch my breath is what leads to such disaster - verse 21 says “for even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God OR GIVE THANKS”. WOW. And all the previously described destruction follows this phrase.
Not honoring God as God is equated with the refusal to give thanks - so I’d say ingratitude is quite significant indeed! Not just a social nicety!
As I’ve pondered our friend who didn’t express any gratitude that evening at dinner, I thought of how he described his life - “bitter disappointment”. His words, not mine. I thought of how unhappy and lonely he seems, insecure and discontented. I can’t help but wonder if his life could’ve turned out differently if he had only cultivated a grateful spirit. If he were a ten year old, I might be tempted to chalk it up to lack of parental training. But he is old enough to be a grandfather and certainly culpable for his own character development by now.
I thought of how his behavior stood out so starkly and I think it’s because he is in such contrast to the other people in our lives. We are fortunate to be surrounded by grateful people. So much so that we can think that is normal and take it for granted. Folks who write notes to express gratefulness for the least little thing. Kids who require THEIR children to say thank you, even when it’s awkward. Friends and family who never miss an opportunity to show gratitude. What a blessing that such behavior is so plentiful that it feels normal!
I wonder if gratitude comes from a changed heart….or does the very act of expressing thankfulness eventually change our hearts….I don’t know. Maybe it’s both. Either way, I am striving to be even more intentional in saying thanks. To those around me…and certainly to my Heavenly Father - in all things.
I know that choice has serious repercussions, either way.
And I want to applaud those parents of littles who are in the trenches of training right now. The reminders to say thank you seem interminable. And the labor involved to ensure those thank you notes get written seems gargantuan. Keep at it, my friend. You are not only helping your child develop skills that will prove valuable in his or her career, you are actually impacting the state of their souls. Don’t lose sight of how important this is!