Perhaps it’s the season that turned my thoughts towards this subject. Perhaps the proximity to Father’s Day caused this verse to stand out to me. I don’t recall reading it before but it certainly jumped off the page to me this week.
I Samuel 22:3 - And David went from there to Mizpah of Moab; and he said to the king of Moab, “Please let my father and my mother come and stay with you until I know what God will do for me”.
The backstory - David is being pursued by King Saul. More than being pursued - he is being hunted. Saul is jealous of David’s military successes and his popularity among the people and the king wants him eliminated. David, meanwhile, respects the divinely appointed position of Saul and refuses to retaliate. So he is on the run, and his support from the people is growing.
David realizes that not only his life is in danger but also that of his family and he moves to see that his parents are protected. That is what Scripture tells us in this passage. From a couple of generations ago, David’s family has ties to Moab (great grandmother Ruth is a Moabite) and therefore they are received warmly there. David trusts the king and does not hesitate to ask that his parents be kept safe from the soon to be de-throned king. Verse 4 lets us know that the Moabite King agreed and David’s parents remained with him until David was out of harm’s way.
Just a couple of verses. But what a powerful message we get! Here, in the midst of being hunted, of fearing not only for the position of the throne for which he had been anointed but even his very life, David displays his priorities: to obey the Lord in honoring his mother and father(Exodus 20:12)
This is not just a sweet story, one to trot out in May and June as we celebrate our parents. This is a divine commandment, the only one with a promise, and prominently declared not only in the Old Testament but the New Testament as well (Ephesians 6:2).
Honor your parents.
What does that look like? For David, it was displayed as he kept them from physical harm. We also see it in Christ; as He was dying on the Cross, He made provision for the care of His mother (John 19:26,27) Let that sink in for a moment. In times of extreme stress and personal peril, the honor of parents remained a priority. Even in the face of death and dying, Scripture shows us how seriously God takes this commandment of HIs.
Wow.
How can we obey that verse, in the different seasons of our lives? For children, “honor” means obedience. Plain and simple. Obedience. Critical concept.
But what about once we become young adults? And older adults, when parents are elderly? What does “honor” look like then? The word Scripture uses for “honor” means “esteem, value, or great respect.” To honor someone is to value him highly or bestow value upon him by giving attention, care, or deference. So how does this show up in our lives as adults?
Probably lots of ways but these come to mind readily -
Spend time with them. As we grow out of childhood, our lives become busier and busier and the expenditures of our time are more often outside our home and away from our family of origin, That is healthy and appropriate but we also do well to remember that we are to always honor our parents and that is spelled “T-I-M-E”. When it isn’t possible to be physically present, we can call (or text!) or even write. Spend time with parents, grandparents, even great-grandparents. And if you have children, include them as well. You’re setting a great example that will return dividends to your life one day!
Listen to them. This might sound like a repeat of #1 but it’s not. Sometimes when we are physically present, we are not emotionally or mentally present. Treating parents with value and esteem means we listen to them. Even if they’ve told the same story several times before.
Care for them. Often times, this means literally taking care of them, in your own home or in theirs. Sometimes this means providing for their care otherwise. Regardless, it means, just as Jesus did from the Cross and David did when his own life was being threatened, making sure that parents are being taken well taken care of. in Mark 7:9-13, Jesus rebukes the Pharisees for not taking care of parents. He says their neglect invalidates the word of God. Caring for one’s parents. It’s a priority.
Be thoughtful and encouraging. Ask about their lives (they have one, in case you forgot that!). Encourage them with your presence, as we said earlier, but also with words of understanding and kindness. Remember their personal preferences - if Dad likes BBQ and Mom likes daffodils, show that you value them by occasionally treating them to their special likes. And not just in May and June - when you show tender care on UN-holidays, it carries even greater weight.
Express gratitude. For some of us, this is actually easy and well-deserved. For others, though, whose growing up years brought great pain, this will undoubtedly be harder. But God will give grace and will enable you to express gratitude with sincerity and integrity if you ask Him. And it might even be a key to some healing!
Be patient with them, especially as they lose some of their abilities or faculties. It can sometimes be challenging but we must strive to understand their limitations and treat them with patient, kind respect.
Seek their wisdom. This doesn’t mean we are still obeying them as children but it shows great honor when we ask for and value their opinions. Proverbs 1:8,9 assures us that the instruction and teaching of parents is of great value to us.
Pray. For them and with them. Ask for ways they would like you to pray and then do it. It is a sacred time of great beauty for a son or daughter to pray over their parents, often reflecting what has been done in reverse through the years.
Forgive them. No one is or has a perfect parent or child. We are all in need of forgiveness. The greatest honor we can show one another s continual forgiveness. Forgiveness is given, not earned. And it is powerfully beneficial to all parties involved.
Finally, speak well of parents. Publicly as well as privately. I am not talking about flattery or untruths. But it is always possible to avoid tearing them down with criticism or slander. The Bible tells us to “bless” one another which is one aspect of showing honor. In the New Testament, the English word bless is a translation of the Greek word eulogeo which means “to speak well of, i.e. (religiously) to bless (thank or invoke a benediction upon, prosper).” When you bless others, you direct God’s goodness to them. Our words have great influence in the lives of those around us, potential to do good or to do harm. and spoken blessings can bring hope, encouragement, and direction to our parents...as well as to ourselves. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21).
This week, remember David. Honor your parents.