“The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God” (Romans 14:6)
These are difficult days. Unprecedented is what is often used to describe current conditions. Many “experts” say it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
I hope and pray they are wrong.
So do they.
In the meantime, how are we to live?
We all have access to the same news, the same facts, the same recommendations and mandates. But we can easily see that the manner of application of all this sameness is definitely not the same.
The temptation is to react in judgment, assuming our application is the correct one and anything else is ignorant, selfish, or overreactive. Sometimes we lash out in criticism or perhaps in back-biting disparagement. We demand that others behave as we are because, after all, these are the “facts”. Damage is done, on one level or another, to neighbors, friends, our community. The health crisis is prolonged and/or the financial repercussions are worsened. Driven by the behavior of ourselves.
Do I have a solution? No, I don’t. But I do have a favor to ask.
These people you are angry at, these folks you are criticizing, those you are mocking…they are my friends. They are your friends. They are you. They are me. All of us believe (at least to some degree) that we are acting wisely and responsibly and even patriotically.
And we believe that the other side is wrong to act any way other than our way.
That’s what the verse in Romans is about. Paul is talking to some early Christians. There was a dispute about whether one ought to observe certain worship practices of the day. Although the crisis we face doesn’t have to do with the same issues, the principles are exactly the same. One group felt that they were honoring God better to do things one way and the other group felt that doing the exact opposite was what pleased God more.
That is being played out today, right before our eyes.
Some Christians think it is being fearful, not living in faith, when a believer decides to isolate themselves from others during this time. The “other side” believes it is foolish and selfish to meet a friend for lunch and perhaps, even unknowingly, prolong the pandemic.
And each side vehemently, often arrogantly and unkindly, judges the other.
Which one is “right”?
Neither. Both. I don’t know. I won’t even share how my family is applying the facts of the situation to our lives. Because that isn’t the point of this article.
The point is that each side is doing what they believe is best. Just like those early Christians had opposite behavior but identical motives.
When we judge others (most of the time without even hearing them explain their position!), we are not only unlikely to convince them that ours is the right position to have, we also are doing damage. Damage to the relationship and even to the crisis itself.
Let’s assume that every friend and neighbor and member of our community is doing what he or she believes is best. If we have a strong conviction that they are wrong, humbly ask if you can discuss it. First listen to their position. And I do mean listen – not wait for them to quit talking so you can have your turn. Don’t first try to present your case and press them to switch to your side. Don’t quote the “experts” and cite all the “facts” (I can promise you that each side can build a case with equally compelling evidence, at least in their minds). Ask questions – sincere ones, not entrapping ones. Then ask if they would like to hear what you believe and why. If they say no, then so be it. You have not lost a friend. If they say yes, state your case objectively. But all the way through, remind yourself that their intentions for their behavior are identical to yours. Maybe one of you will switch sides. Maybe not. But respect is maintained. The relationship is preserved.
And THAT is how we are doing to get through these difficult days.